mindfulness

    This is something that can lead to effective communication. The book calls mindfulness the first step in listening. When we communicate with others if we are mindful our communication will be more effective than if we pre-judge the person we are talking to. This oftten occurs whenever a person stereotypes or has pre-conceptions about another person. When they communicate it is often not clear what exactly was communicated.

    Minfulness assures that our relationships will be lasting ones. No one wants to talk to anyone who is always thinking of themselves. It's difficult to put yourself in another person's shoes, but stereotyping and prejudices are just products of ignorance. The book explains that being mindful involves adopting a dual perspective. Mindfulness is something people should work at. The book also points out that being mindful is not a talent that people have, but it's a choice people can make. A person simply has to decide to be mindful.

monopolizing

      I think I am guilty of doing this. Sometimes when someone tells me something it reminds me of something similar I went through so I talk about it. I realize that this takes the attention away from the person that was speaking and places it on me. That's not fair to the person who is talking to me. They are confiding in me and I am making them feel like what they have to say doesn't matter. To fix this problem I must push aside thoughts about me that pop into my head when a person is talking to me. This will keep the focus on the person who is talking to me. This will also ensure that our communication is as effective as possible. After the person is done talking I will only give advice if the person requests it. This will also keep the focus on the person that is talking to me. Monopolizing can make a person feel like they don't matter. I know because it has been done before and when it happens I never get to say what I wanted to say. This means that we are not really communicating. If I want to communicate as effectively as possible I can't monopolize conversations.

a salad?

   I think the United States is made up of so many different types of races that it would be hard to call it a melting pot. It's more like Jessie Jackson's metaphor of a rainbow where each color is appreciated for being different, yet each one is just as important to the rainbow. I have also heard it called a salad where each piece stands on it's own and is appreciated for not being the same. A melting pot is a good idea, but many people choose not to completely assimilate to this country. A lot of people speak one language in the home and a different one outside the home. They shouldn't be condemned for choosing to do this. Many different holidays and celebrations are also celebrated within this country. For example, there is a parade in a lot of places during Chinese New Years. Many Mexican people also throw quinceaneras for their daughters in the United States.

Totalizing

    This is when a person defines another person as being a certain way. Most of the time it's an aspect that is negative. The person makes the definition at the same time creating a stereotype. Sometimes people with certain disabilities get looked at a certain way. Most people concentrate on their disability, while ignoring many other parts of the person's personality. The person may know how to read really well or do math really well, but because of their disabilities people fail to  see this part of them. Unfortunately, that's what totalizing and stereotyping do. They focus on all the negative parts and fail to celebrate all the other aspects of a person's personality. Many people are victims of totalizing. It gets in the way of effective communication because it basically does the same thing stereotyping does.

downers

   These are people that often get in the way of your success by pointing out the flaws you have. When a person keeps on pointing out your flaws it causes anxiety in a person. When you are around downers you tend to be aware of your weaknesses and are less confident. For this reason, it's important to get rid of all the downers in your life. This might be a challenge since you might be tied down to some of the downers in your life. For example, they could be a co-worker or a family member. Hard to get rid of these people. However, the less downers you have in your life the less anxiety you will have and the more confident you will be. most of the time downers are not giving constructive criticism. They often have other motivations for their behavior. Jealousy, could be one factor motivating downers. For this reason, it's important to know the difference between constructive criticism and the criticism from a downer.

race

   I think the section in the book makes an interesting point when it says how nonwhite people are always classified by their race. For example, look at the president. Everyone is quick to point out that he is African-American. However, if he was Caucasian this wouldn't even be an issue. They wouldn't mention the president by their race if they were Caucasian. This points to the idea that Caucasian people are still the privileged class. I also thought it was interesting how the book mentions that whiteness has often been treated as normal. This makes sense if you look at things like the SAT test. The person who created that test was a big supporter of the K.K.K. His racial views made it's way to the test, but no one has questioned it. Why? Is it because white is seen as being normal? 

  I also think it's interesting how the book talks about the mother who tells her son that African Americans have to work twice as hard. When her son asks why his mom tells him that's just the way things are. I think accepting this fact is important in learning to deal with it.

people-centeredness

  I thought this concept was interesting because it makes you think about situations where it applies. When you get criticism it often depends on who is saying it. This determines how you will react or not react to it.. If the remark is mean spirited and you also know that person to be that way you can attribute the person's comment to their personality. I think there are only a few people that you trust to criticize you. Most of the time the person criticizing has some other motive behind their actions. Knowing how to shift the way you interpret a person's message depending on the person who is sending the message, is important in helping us be less confused when we communicate.

Introductory Post (Late)

My name is Julio Rangel. I am an English major. I live in San Jose and I work as a Paraeducator in Santa Clara/Sunnyvale. Right now I am working with pre-school children. I love reading and watching great movies. Some of my favorite filmmakers are Akira Kurosawa, Luis Bunuel, Charlie Chaplin, Wes Anderson, Martin Scorsese, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Darren Aronofsky, Christopher Nolan, and Cary Fukunaga.

creating friendships

   I have a person that I work with that I now consider to be my friend. When we first began working it was an I-You relationship. We talked about work and other work related things. We didn't see each  other as unique individuals. Slowly, we began to talk about things that are outside of work. Now it seems like we can talk about just about anything. Of course, except deep relationship things dealing with the opposite sex. We still make jokes about that. I think a friendship begins when two people talk about things going on in their lives. It also helps create boundaries about the things that you can talk about and the things that are off limits. Knowing these boundaries also helps create a comfort zone in the friendship. It assures the other person that they will not be made uncomfortable by anything they say or by anything they are told..