Ethnocentrism

This is the concept that interested me the most from the chapter eight reading. The book defines it as, "the assumption that our culture and its norms are the only right ones. I saw a video on a public access channel that showed people in Hong Kong eating animals like cats, dogs, and foxes. The program showed how the animals are cooked in large black urns. The program made it sound like this was animal cruelty, but that's the diet in that culture. Some people from India worship cows. Imagine what they think of our tastes in food.

People who practice ethnocentrism use language that is absolute. They do this to illustrate how certain they are their culture is the right one. They never consider another person's point of view. This gets in the way of effective communication. When a person doesn't hear another person's point of view, communication never takes place.

Disconfirmation

When we are disconfirmed they sometimes are telling us that we don't matter. They think that their opinions are more important. They fail to recognize or acknowlede us. This occured to me during a Shakespeare class that I had. I had taken one before and received a B so I wanted to study his work more. It turned out to be a mistake.

This professor had it in her mind that I couldn't understand Shakespeare. She built a defensi climate. The book explains that, "with some people we feel disconfirmed or on guard. I trried to argue with her over a paper. She is certain the Romeo and Juliet movie version with Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't play along with the actual play. She said I must of never tried it, but I actually sat with the play and followed along. They only leave out one minor scene, but I was also surprised by that. I just couldn't get her to admit that she was wrong. She was using certainty by using words that are absolute. The book says, "this kind of language suggests that there is one and only one answer." She built a learning environment that wasn't inviting. This made it difficult for her to communicate properly and this made it impossible for me to learn.

confirmation

   I try and confirm other people as much as I can. I do this through recognition, acknowledgement, and endorsement. I think it's possible to endorse most of what people say without putting your own feelings into the situation. Unless the person is telling you that they enjoy hurting people, I think it's better to give a person the benefit of the doubt, even if, we don't agree with what they are saying.

  I remember one of my co-workers telling me about a game and how their team lost. I had to endorse what she told me because she was the one talking at that time so I had to give her that attention. I actually was rooting for the other team, but that seemed like an inappropriate time to bring that up. Sometimes you have to know how to resppond to what a person is saying. Disconfirming someone only makes a person think that you think you are more important than them.

  By confirming what she said I wasn't accepting that as my belief. I was simply allowing her to tell me her point of view. By doing this I confirmed her by endorsing what she told me without having to bring my thoughts into the conversation. I think friends should allow other friends to speak their beliefs without having to feel condemned for their feelings.

self-talk

   This was the concept that interested me the most. I often engage in self-talk to help me sort out a problem. The book mentions that our self-talk is not only a reaction to something that is occuring, but it will also determine how things turn out. We often talk ourselves out of or into something. The book explains that we must avoid self-talk that may turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. This is when a person keeps telling themselves something like they are not going to get a job no matter what. If a few years later, they are still unemployed this may be a self-fulfilling prophecy that has come true. The book says that we must monitor our self-talk so that we control it and not the other way around.

   Monitoring our self-talk can help us control our emotions. We often engage in self-talk that can leave us in ruts. Knowing how to monitor this type of negative self-talk is important in helping us deal with a crisis the right way. We must learn how to keep ourselves from getting too down about a problem going on in our lives.

fallacies in interpersonal communication

   I think out of the three fallacies, speaking in generalities is the one that shows up in my interpersonal communication. I often don't describe how I am feeling. I tend to speak in general terms without being specific about what is bothering me. I also do this with my nonverbal behavior. I am often withdrawn or hold my head down, but this could mean a lot of different things. Some may interpret that I am angry. Others may interpret as me being sad. Unless I am specific and communicate what is bothering me, the people I talk to will interpret it any way they want. Whether it is true or not is not important. This is why it's not a good idea to hide our feelings from our acquaintances. I am alway surprised when a person gives me the impression that they think I am anmgry. Then, I think about how I sometimes communicarte or don't communicate. People may take this many different ways. It's important to let our acquaintances know why we have chosen not to return their call instead of having them come to their own conclusions.

emotion work

   This perspective makes the most sense to me because it's the perspective most of us use the most. We often have to hide our true feelings because it often seems inappropriate. For example, after a stressful weekend you may be asked how your weekend went, most of us will say it went fine, even if, our car broke down, you got into a big fight, and our dog died. This often takes work so I understand why it has the word work in it. The book expplains that knowing how, when, and to whom to express yourself is the most important thing in ethical interpersonal communication. This means that emotion work is something we will always have in our lives. Sometimes emotion work has to do with the culture a person comes from. In some cases, a person has to keep from expressing how he or she truly feels because of the constraints placed on that individual by the culture they are a part of.